Honestly, this is a subject that I constantly go through on a daily basis, as I believe we all should. Ask yourself a question, do you ever take moments out of your day to reflect on things done either on that same day or in the past, whether something good or bad? If not, then I highly suggest you start to, and I say that with the utmost highest confidence because it opens up new channels in yourself on how you can continue to prosper for the better from past mistakes made, and/or continue to build your character to achieve the goals you set out for yourself. 

Today’s topic of choice for reflections will be on my mistakes when it comes to past relationships. I realised that for me, I made too many to count; and as I wish that I could have been better in those instances in time, I won’t get that opportunity any longer. Thus, the next best thing was to make sure I learned from what I did wrong to be a better version of myself. I want to make sure that my slip ups never occur again, and if they do, then I’m in control, rather than let my mind let my emotions run wild. 

I realised that in my past self, I had a lot of growing as a person, as a man, to do; I needed my past experiences to occur to shape me into what I am becoming. I had to mature, and understand that certain actions taken on my behalf were flat out wrong. I let my feelings conqueror me, I allowed the demon of insecurities ravish throughout my mind. I couldn’t understand why at first why I could not control that aspect about myself. It took talking to a professional to understand where the missing balance was in my life, and why certain actions took a full grasp of my emotions. Seeing myself now as a better man in 2021 compared to 2017, when I was still a boy in terms of controlling my emotions (also when my last relationship took place), I feel sorry for my past partner for the shit that I put her through emotionally for not having my emotions and thoughts in check. Every action has a reaction, and all my stupid moves played me to my own downfall. And I guess I needed that relationship to occur in order for me to combat my own demons and understand why I never let them go, and why they lingered there for so long. 

So many things were hidden inside me that I wish I understood about myself throughout this past decade. But with time, I continued to learn new things about myself because I was not afraid to uncover my demons through reflection of my mistakes and flaws. In my first relationship when I was 18, one of my major flaws I had was being too attached, and this also lingered onto my second one too. It seemed that I feared space and separation. I never understood this issue until 2018, when I realised that growing up I yearned for a love relationship with my partner because during my upbringings I lacked that affection from my family. I didn’t have a father in my life, my mother worked multiple jobs during our early childhood to support me and my siblings, and the relationship between me and my siblings never matched those that we see on television or read in books. But in the past couple years, I started to kindle things and build better bonds with them to have a structured and loving relationship with them all. 

So, for me, reflecting on my actions continues to build the person who I continue to strive for. I refuse to allow my emotions to ever get the better of me. Self-control and understanding my own flaws is important so I can sit back and reflect on what I did wrong and how I can be better next time in case it tries to come back, So I know how to manage it better or make sure it just completely does not occur again.

So to start my first official post-introduction post, I wanted to give a very short rundown of reflection for past mistakes in relationships.